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Fitness Girl!
This morning was a special milestone in my weight loss journey–I have lost 100 pounds. I began my weight loss in August of 2015, and on March 9th, 2016, I underwent gastric bypass surgery.
Some people believe that weight loss surgery is “the easy way out,” and I’m here to tell you it really IS NOT. This has been the most difficult thing I have done in my life. Perhaps the most difficult part of the journey itself is the emotional roller coaster I have been on over the last year and a half. I may be biased in this regard (as I am a psychotherapist), but I cannot stress enough how vital it is to seek therapy when you know you have an unhealthy relationship with food or your body. I have learned a lot about myself in regard to how I used food as a coping mechanism (albeit an unhealthy one) and where that need to self-soothe through food came from in the first place. I have seen myself through binge-eating disorder complete with shameful eating in my car to avoid judgment and hide my binges. Now I actually struggle to eat in the first place; I’ve lost my appetite since the surgery so now I have to actively remind myself to eat and meet my macros. The last thing I need is for this to turn into a different eating disorder–and I have talked about that fear with my therapist.
The next hurdle in my emotional journey is coming up soon as I approach my lowest adult weight ever. I find myself having more and more questions (some quite irrational):
- What will I look like below 260 pounds?
- What if I am misshapen in some way?
- I plateaued at 260 before; can I get past that mark and continue losing?
The biggest conclusion I have come to regarding my weight loss journey is that no matter what happens, I absolutely cannot beat myself up about anything–food decisions or body image inclusive.
Part of why I ended up as heavy as I was was because of how I was treating myself internally. I was my biggest critic, and I never gave myself constructive criticism. The most destructive thing in my life wasn’t the food I was eating (to an extent), instead, it was how I spoke to myself. Being body positive DOES NOT equate to fat acceptance–I have always understood I needed to lose weight to be healthier, but until I started appreciating the body I have and loving myself with all of my scars, folds, stretch marks, and fat, I couldn’t really commit to bettering myself.
Wall of text aside, here are my parting words:
- Be kind to yourself; self-loathing and destructive criticism is not going to help you get better.
- Talk to someone! Weight loss is as much an emotional process as it is physical.
- Accept your body throughout all its changes.
- Embrace and own up to your mistakes. Should I have eaten that? Probably not, but it’s okay, I’m going to have a protein shake for dinner.
- You can do this.
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